A MOTHER'S LETTER TO THE SAF
//Photos by PIONEER PHOTOGRAPHERS & COURTESY OF SINGAPORE ARMY
“His journey in life is starting, and he is looking forward to it. It will not be filled with daily rainbows, and that is not what I wish for him. It is the acceptance by the SAF that has enabled him to correspondingly accept himself and strive on in life."
Mrs Elizabeth Tan* was understandably worried when her son, who has Asperger’s Syndrome, enlisted into National Service (NS) in the Singapore Armed Forces (SAF) in 2019. But more than a year on, Corporal (CPL) Joel Tan*, 20, has grown into a confident and committed soldier who takes pride in his role as an Admin Support Assistant.
She expresses her gratitude in a letter to his Basic Military Training (BMT) commanders and others in the Army who have helped him grow.
*Not their real names
"Today my son passed his driving test.
As I revelled in a mother's pride at his perseverance (he had failed twice), I thought about this young man under my roof who goes off at 6.30am every morning "to army", as Grandma puts it.
My son was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome when he was five years old. Throughout primary and post-secondary school, a lack of awareness of Asperger's Syndrome coupled with a lack of empathy led to him being socially ostracised. It took a toll on his self-esteem and emotional well-being.
Fast forward to my son at 18 years old (and preparing for enlistment).
His journey to enlistment was fraught with anxiety. Physically, he was assessed to be PES (Physical Employment Standard) B. In his case, he presents with mild social awkwardness and possible social anxiety.
How would he cope? Would he be ostracised? How would he deal with the rigours of commands and tight schedules etc?
It was a considered and difficult decision to disclose his Asperger's. He saw an SAF psychiatrist, spoke about his issues and was told he could be exempted. It was not a condescending or dismissive telling off. It was a choice that was given. My son chose not to be exempted. He informed the psychiatrist that he wished to serve.
This was the first step that made a world of difference.
I am grateful for the SAF psychiatrist who heard my son and gave him a choice.
Just like any other family, we excitedly sent him for enlistment and took the keepsake photos. He attended his BMT and graduation parade, just like any other serviceman. This serviceman and his family were not made to feel excluded.
He met others like him, who had issues such that they could not serve in active units. He met different people with diverse backgrounds. He experienced what it was like working for different persons with different personality traits.
In short, he was having lessons in life.
I cherish the growth in the boy who has grown into a young man, who now looks forward to the uncertainty that lies ahead of him. In the one year that he has been in the Army, he has experienced acceptance. The very institution I feared the most (because of its sheer size and repute of being tough) is the institution that I actually see him flourish and grow.
I know and can see that adjustments were made. I am grateful for the professionals, commanders, psychiatrists, counsellors and persons who made this happen. Thank you.
Let me clarify that I firmly believe in a strong, highly disciplined SAF, and am not advocating that it morphs otherwise.
But now, wearing my hat as mother to a son with mild special needs, I am heartened that the SAF has acknowledged that there are young men like my son who are no less Singaporean and want to be part of the SAF story; sought to understand what their different conditions are; and planned for, tailored and implemented suitable or appropriate courses, programmes and measures (to allow them to serve).
I am certain there are many like him who, without an empathetic structure or system, will fall through the cracks. The rejection and low self-esteem bring with them a whole host of other social and societal issues moving downstream.
It is because of the enlightened officers of the SAF who bother enough to do all of the above that my son is where he is now. His journey in life is starting, and he is looking forward to it. It will not be filled with daily rainbows, and that is not what I wish for him. It is the acceptance by the SAF that has enabled him to correspondingly accept himself and strive on in life.
Do I regret that my son did not get to carry a weapon? Not one bit. There is a place for everyone and every skill in the SAF.
And so I want to applaud the SAF for being brave, for being daring to look out, plan for and care for a minority group of Singapore sons.
During the circuit breaker period, my son continued to go to camp (to fulfil his operational duties). He is only half jesting when he tells me: "I am 'essential service', mum." I am proud of what he is doing.
It is my cherished hope that the SAF continues to do so, so that these young men, all of whom are Singapore sons, will one day contribute to Singapore in their own way."
Note: This is an abridged and edited version of Mrs Tan's letter. Mrs Tan and CPL Tan have requested anonymity because of the stigma surrounding persons with special needs, especially those that are outwardly invisible. They hope that through education and open dialogue, there will be more awareness and understanding of persons with special needs.
