MATCH MADE IN THE SAF

Imagine your future father-in-law giving you his stamp of approval before you even met your wife!

Back in 2013, Defence Executive Officer Kasturibai Athmaram’s father, a taxi driver, came home with a story about an oddly memorable passenger he picked up at Pasir Laba Camp: a “very humble, very tall, very good-looking young officer”.

That handsome young officer turned out to be Major (MAJ) Jayaram Venugobalan Naidu, her colleague at Headquarters (HQ) Army Intelligence, where she had started work at just the week before.

Forces at work

As he was away attending a course, it would be weeks before Ms Kasturibai (who goes by Kat), got to meet the MAJ Venu her colleagues had been telling her about.

When the pair, both now 36, finally met over lunch, hearing each other’s unique names made them realise they weren’t strangers after all: They had been schoolmates at Riverside Secondary School!

The pair was initially reserved around each other. As fate would have it, they often found themselves working together on recruitment events, with MAJ Venu being a para-recruiter and Kat in human resources.

The two grew closer with each new event but, sensing that MAJ Venu was still maintaining a respectful distance, Kat began secretly tipping the scales in her favour – by arranging to “coincidentally” head home after work and giving him a lift back!

MAJ Venu messaged her on Facebook to thank her for the rides home, and she took the opportunity to ask him out for dinner – which eventually turned into proper dates.

“We went out a few more times, and he officially asked me to be his girlfriend on 22 Feb 2014,” Kat said.

After dating for three years, the pair got married in 2017.

Recipe for a strong marriage

Kat – who is currently an executive assistant in the Republic of Singapore Air Force’s HQ Participation Command – always knew MAJ Venu was special. She noted that he was always willing to take things at her pace, especially when they were deciding when to start a family.

MAJ Venu, now S2 (Intelligence Officer) of 8th Singapore Armoured Brigade, admitted that he had to learn to be a good husband to Kat.

When he was S2 of 1st Battalion, Singapore Infantry Regiment from 2017 to 2019, a high-tempo training schedule often kept him away from home.

It was a difficult time for the newlyweds, until some words of wisdom from a superior helped change his perspective.

“My boss shared that we have two roles: one as a staff officer and one as a husband and father. That’s when I started to change my mental model and prioritising balancing family and work better,” MAJ Venu recounted.

He also began practising good communication with Kat, acknowledging that while both served in the military, one “can’t take their understanding for granted” and there may be aspects of his service in the Army that she – being in the air force – wouldn’t know about.

“There’s a bit of cross-Service integration in the marriage,” he said jokingly.

Through good times and bad

The journey was not always smooth sailing, but the couple has come out of every storm stronger.

They initially struggled with starting a family, and spent two years undergoing various fertility treatments. Finally, in 2021, they were “naturally blessed” with Aakash. One-and-a-half years later, little brother Aryash joined the family.

“He (Aakash) was so cute we decided to have another,” Kat joked.

In 2023, they faced a trifecta of “challenges”: Kat was pregnant with Aryash while MAJ Venu was attending a course at the Goh Keng Swee Command and Staff College (GKS CSC), and the family was in the midst of moving to a new place.

Things came to a head when Kat and Aakash both contracted COVID-19 in April, while MAJ Venu was on an overseas study visit to Thailand as part of his course.

Kat’s first thought was of her husband: “It was hard on Venu because he had to focus on school and on things at home also.”

The couple got through thanks to their support system of families, colleagues and superiors. Kat went to live with her mother-in-law. Her bosses also allowed her flexible work arrangements so that she could take care of her family and the dogs.

MAJ Venu also requested to continue his GKS CSC course in Singapore instead of attending a study trip to Malaysia, so he could be present for Aryash’s birth.

“(At the end of his course,) he got the distinguished graduate award, which was the biggest reward for all the sacrifices,” Kat said proudly.

Keeping the flame alive

Eleven years on, MAJ Venu and Kat know their love isn’t built on extravagant gestures but on the small, meaningful moments – like remembering their month-saries, or taking care of things at home when the other is unable to.

“To him, doing chores like washing milk bottles or walking the dog are very normal, but it means a lot to me,” said Kat, who appreciates MAJ Venu seeing to the chores when she is tired.

“He’s that one-of-a-kind guy,” she said.

He responded with a smile: “And she’s that one-of-a-kind girl. That’s why we married.”