AFTER “EVER AFTER”
From best friends to lovers, and now parents of two (with a third on the way!): Army couple CPT Nuraishah and 3WO Shahibul share how their love is still going strong.Marriage scenes are usually the end for most rom-coms, but 3rd Warrant Officer (3WO) Shahibul Kahfi and Captain (CPT) Nuraishah Binte Ibrahim are still writing their love story as a couple and as parents in the Singapore Armed Forces (SAF).
In fact, they were featured in PIONEER back in 2019 as part of a Valentine’s Day special (read more here)!
Back then, the newly-weds (they tied the knot in 2017) were adjusting to living together in Singapore as well as apart – CPT Nuraishah had just returned home after a one-year overseas posting, while 3WO Shahibul was due to travel to Lithuania for an exchange programme.
Six years on, we catch up with them to find out what comes after “happy ever after”!
How did you meet and start dating?
3WO Shahibul: We first met in April 2006 when we both enrolled into Sports Management (at ITE College East). We only started dating in 2009…
CPT Nuraishah: …a year after we graduated.
3WO Shahibul: I had enlisted and she was in Polytechnic. We had lost touch for about a year until I met up with a friend who egged me on to pursue her.
When did you decide to settle down? What was it like?
3WO Shahibul: I was doing my overseas tour then for about three to four years and was about to extend (my tour) for another year, but she said, “Hey, you don’t want to come back is it? Don’t want to get married?” (CPT Nuraishah laughs)
We had already applied for BTO in 2014, and I came back in 2017 to ask for her hand in marriage.
After getting married in 2017, she was posted abroad for a year. Then when she came back, I was overseas for a study exchange programme in the Czech Republic.
So we didn’t have our honeymoon until my winter Christmas break, when she came to visit me in Prague!
So how are things since your first interview with PIONEER?
CPT Nuraishah: We were just married then and had our focus on our careers, but we also had a clear plan to start a family.
3WO Shahibul: (The most major change is) that we see each other almost every day now! Previously, either one of us might not be home.
But now we’re seeing each other and the kids every day – like making sure we get to put them to sleep, and being present in each other's lives.
How have these changes influenced your relationship?
3WO Shahibul: What we try to do is make intentional plans – whether it’s dating or bringing the kids out – and carve out time for that. If you don’t plan, just come home tired and switch off, then you’re not being present in their lives.
CPT Nuraishah: When we were dating, I would assume things or want him to surprise me. As we’ve grown in our relationship, we learn to not expect but communicate – it doesn’t hurt to tell him what you need and want!
3WO Shahibul: (excitedly points to the calendar on the fridge) Our kids' school days, our helper’s off days, whether she has meetings or I have outfield, are all recorded – and once a day is empty, it means we’re free for a date! (CPT Nuraishah laughs)
What was the toughest period you faced as a couple?
CPT Nuraishah: He was overseas for Exercise Crescendo, while I had just given birth to our number two, and my helper had gone back home. So I was alone trying to juggle everything.
3WO Shahibul: Thankfully, we had her family as a support system, and she moved to her mother’s house during that time.
Leading up to the exercise, my Commanding Officer from 21 SA (21st Battalion, Singapore Artillery), Major (MAJ) Samuel Tan, gave me leeway to attend every single medical appointment with my wife so long as I kept up with my responsibilities at work.
What’s something you admire or appreciate about your partner?
CPT Nuraishah: It’s his attention to detail. He’s always thinking about how to make life better for our future, whereas I live day by day.
3WO Shahibul: Her unwavering resilience. We had a miscarriage earlier, then we had number one and, right after, number two. Even through these tough times, she wanted to build up our family. We have two healthy girls, and one healthy boy coming –
CPT Nuraishah: Initially, he wanted five. After the second one, he questioned himself, “Do I really want five?” (laughs)
3WO Shahibul: So we topped up with two cats! (laughs)
How do you see yourselves going forward as a family in the SAF?
3WO Shahibul: She’s a branch head now and may need to attend courses that will take time away from the family. I’m fully supportive of her career aspirations.
CPT Nuraishah: I’ll always be supportive of his career decisions, whether it be overseas posting or exercises. I try to ease his worries and settle things at home so that he can focus on his training.
3WO Shahibul: As a family, I hope certain values – like ethics, resilience and discipline – rub off on our kids. We want them to grow up strong, because strong people lift up others.
We challenge CPT Nuraishah and 3WO Shahibul to test how well they know each other after 17 years together!
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